i can’t think of a title

hello! long time no type! last week i didn’t feel like writing a blog post. so i didn’t. okay, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to it.

being a grown up adult person is weird 

i feel like so much of my life is spent planning for the future. every day that i’ve been in new york, i’ve thought about summer internships. i’ve spent hours looking up different internships, in different places, for different types of organizations. i’ve spent hours applying for said internships. and i’ve spent weeks waiting to hear from these internships. [can i just say that every organization should be required to contact you whether or not you get a position. so many of them just leave you in the dark, waiting to hear back, when they know they’re not picking you. like just tell me i didn’t get the job so i can move on and stop worrying, plz and thank u.]

i’m very ready to have a solid plan for the summer. i hate not knowing things—i love plans too much—and the fact that i don’t know where i’ll be in a month is crazy stressful for me. so please keep your fingers crossed that it all works out.

not only do i want a plan for the sake of having a plan, but i really want a plan so that i can feel more at ease about not returning to camp tecumseh. i don’t remember a summer without camp tecumseh. it’s the most important place in my life, and it’s filled with some of my most favorite people. and i had the option to go back this summer. i got offered a position that i’ve been dreaming about for ten years, and i decided not to take it. it was a really tough decision but i did it because i know i’m meant to be somewhere else this summer. i just wish i knew where that place was.

i’m feeling happy and sad and all of the things 

the other day, i had to schedule my classes for my first semester of my senior year. woah. it was a weird feeling, a very weird feeling. it also was kind of a bummer. cause the classes i’m registering for are on topics that i frankly don’t really love not even a little bit. okay that’s not true. i do think a lot of advertising + public relations stuff is interesting. but it’s no where near as interesting as film + tv stuff. like to me, pr + advertising is the baseball part of a baseball game, and film + tv is the nachos part. i don’t mind watching the baseball game, but i would much rather be eating the nachos. you know?

and because of all this, i’ll admit it, i’ve thought about staying at nyu another semester. i have. it’s like now that i’ve gotten a taste of tisch, i want the whole thing. i mean tisch has a class where the students create + write + produce + distribute a television series. my mouth is watering just typing that sentence. and i won’t ever get to take it.

i know, i know, i sound super ungrateful when i say all of this and i want to make it clear that i am so beyond grateful for this semester. it was something i only dreamed of and i still pinch myself every time i walk into the tisch building. [thx mom + dad!!!] but in a way, it has been a little bit of a tease. and when i’m sitting in my classes, i can’t believe that i don’t get to stay here forever.

but then i think of butler. and the people. and how whenever i get a little down that i can’t study what i want at butler, my momma always reminds me that college is so much more than the classes. it’s about the experiences and the living with your best friends and the silly sorority competitions. and when i think of that stuff, i get excited to go back. i do. you only get to be a college senior once. and i want to be a college senior with my best pals, in the crappy senior house we’re somehow fitting seven people into. i want it to be spent at college bars and basketball games. i want it to be at butler. [side note, if butler wants to bring some film + tv classes into their curriculum i wouldn’t be mad about it. just saying. or like if tisch wants to open a campus in the middle of indiana…]

besides, new york isn’t going anywhere. i’ll be back, i know it.

sry not sry i love my professors 

okay, i’ve talked about my professors a lot. probably too much. so let’s talk about them some more, shall we?

i’m in a new york through the documentary lens class and i’m obsessed with it. for one, we watch bomb ass documentaries about new york and the people who inhabit this weird place. [if you’re in the doc kind of mood, hit me up, i have tons to recommend.] but more than the movies, i’m completely in love with my professor. like i would invite her to live with me if that was a legal question to ask your sixty-something prof.

why do i love her so? well for one, she’s an academy award winning documentary filmmaker. so that’s legit. she was also a film editor for SNL  during its first years and she even directed and wrote a few shorts for the show. she showed them to us yesterday and they’re perfectly bizarre. one is about dogs that bark in pitch to different tunes. another is a newscast by bill murray where every time it cuts to clips of people, it’s actually birds dressed in different costumes. so like when he talks about a football game, it cuts to a bunch of birds dressed in football uniforms on a mini field, just hopping around. it’s so funny; i think mostly because my cute little professor has this weirdo [apparently animal-based?] sense of humor. i love all of it. she’s also so incredibly clueless when it comes to technology and i relate to her on a personal level because of it.

it’s been decided, my professor for producing for film is who i want to be when i grow up. first of all, she’s a she. she’s a she working as an executive producer in the industry, something that is [unfortunately] really rare. she’s also an academy award and golden globe award winner, so it’s clear she knows what she’s doing. she’s also so generous with the information she gives us about the industry and her work. like right now, she’s scouting locations for the third season of amazon’s “mozart in the jungle” and every week, she updates us on how everything is going. in real time, we’re learning about this job. and it’s fascinating. she’s so cool to me and i’m really excited because i’m going to interview her for an article, and i can’t wait to pick her brain.

about my film professor. i know i said i would tape a class so i could get real quotes of him, sans paraphrasing. i haven’t yet. but i will try. my friend hannah and i also have the idea to start a twitter account of his quotes. that’s how good they are, people. he truly should be a character in a movie. he is bigger than our little class of thirty; the whole world needs to hear this man’s strange words.

i’m not good at this but i’m not terrible either

i’ve started to notice that i watch movies with a different eye now. i’m super aware of camera angles and continuity in editing. whenever i see a scene on a subway i think about how expensive and timely it is to get access to a subway train. and then i start thinking about the budget, and how much money that movie must’ve had. and then i start researching the producer. and then it’s three am and i should’ve been asleep hours ago. what can i say, i really like this stuff.

and before i learned about all of this stuff, i knew i liked it. but i wasn’t sure if i was good at it. that’s what this semester was all about—finding out if i was good at this stuff. and i still am positive i am not very good, but i am also pretty sure that i’m not terrible. so that’s something.

last week, i screened my third short film of the semester. i acted in it, which was so uncomfortable, and it was about mental health. i was super nervous about showing it in class—there are a few people in my class who are super sensitive to this type of subject matter—and i wasn’t sure how it was going to go over. after it screened, my professor [the weird yet fabulous one] had some really nice and kind things to say about it. his words made my week.

before i go, i just want to say that i’ve recently been very into the shows “girls” and “friday night lights”. one is about a group of gals in brooklyn and the other is about a football team in texas. wouldn’t expect the same two eyes to watch those two shows, would you? what can i say, i’ve got versitile taste. also, the lumineers, my favorite band in the entire world—i listened to them every day in 2015, ask spotify—finally came out with a new album. it’s called “cleopatra” and it is a god damn gem.

’twas a ramble of a blog post, my apologies. promise i will try and post next week. xx abby

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