feeling sentimental [ew]

three weeks. three weeks is all we’ve got left, folks. it feels weird. v weird. okay, on to the writing.

i just want to go to brunch 

leading up to this semester, i spent a good year envisioning what my life would be like in the city. i dreamed of the shops and the shows and the bars and the food. oh, the food. i dreamed of the food so hard.

what i didn’t take into consideration whilst dreaming was that to follow these particular dreams, i needed something. something called money. and as a college student living in one of the most expensive boroughs in the world, i have a knack for being broke.

my dreams of spending my weekend mornings outside on a patio, drinking mimosas and chowing down on an omelet are a mere memory. instead they have become more realistic, albeit much less glamorous [aka i now dream of a day when the line at dunkin’ donuts is only five people].

i was talking to my friend about this—about how my life here is much less dazzling than imagined. and i realized that my experience this semester is being spent as a member of a very specific subset of manhattan; a college student in the city. i’m a twenty-something living in the city, but i don’t have an employed + twenty-something’s income. i have no income.

so as much as i want to try to dress and live like the cool + young hipsters you see on instagram, i’m still just a student. i can barely afford chipotle.

the way i live my life here is so different from how i live my life back home. and it’s so different from how i thought i would live it here. but it’s perfect anyways.

i’m addicted it’s like a drug 

so while i can’t afford to go out to all of the cool restaurants within a block of my apartment, i have made sure that i’m able to go see comedians. because those weirdos are kind of my everything.

when my parents were here at the beginning of the semester, we went to go see mike birbiglia’s stand-up show in noho. and it was a delight because obviously, it’s mike birbiglia.

well after his show, i noticed the theater was advertising this other show with a comedian named neal brennan. then, i noticed that people like birbiglia and john mulaney and john legend were tweeting about brennan’s show. so i looked into it. and then my friends and i went.

the premise of the show is wonderfully innovative. the stage is simple, just a circle. and on the stage there are three mics. one is for jokes, one-liners. one is for stand-up. and one is for stories. brennan travels to the different mics throughout the show, masterfully switching from stand-up to telling a heartbreaking story about his father. it’s equal parts hilarious and devastating and inspiring.

[side note, during one of his stories, he talked about his ongoing struggle with depression. he touched on robin williams’ suicide, and commented that he hated when people labeled him weak because of his struggle. he said,

‘what if robin williams wasn’t weak, what if depression was strong?’

there were a lot of insightful thoughts about mental illness from brennan, but that one really resonated.]

when we left the theater, one of my friends said ‘i feel like that was a really important thing to see’.  i totally agree. i remember about half-way through the show, i thought to myself, ‘i hope this never ends’. it was magical.

the tourists are coming the tourists are coming 

within the past week or so, the city has gone from crisp + cool to sunny + sweaty. if you know me well, you know that i am a cold weather person. i love me a cold winters day. and i’ve only ever been to new york city in the winter. so in my head, the city is snowy and brisk. that’s the nyc i fell in love with.

i have never experienced it like this before. it is very sticky. and there are a lot of people. on sunday, my friend and i went for a walk by the water and across the highline. i’ve been to the highline a hand full of times this semester, and it’s always been fairly empty and super lovely.

this time round, i felt like we were waiting in line for a ride at disney land. there were people everywhere and we were moving at a glacial pace. don’t get me wrong, it was still uber enjoyable, it was just very crowded. a new experience, shall you say.

another new experience was seeing washington square park when it is above 60 degrees fahrenheit. i don’t know where all these people were hiding these past few months, but they are out to play. i’m talking probably a thousand people were in the park this weekend. i’m used to having a row of benches to myself, and i could barely find a spot for my butt. ’twas overwhelming + my anxiety wanted them to all go back inside where they were hiding in february.

nyu is feelin’ the bern 

last wednesday, bernie held a rally in washington square park. i was in the library—which overlooks the park—before it started, and the line to get into the park wrapped around the block. and it only got longer. there were supporters everywhere—aside from the jesus protesters—i couldn’t look in any direction without seeing a bernie sign.

while i was very aware that this was a historical event, i opted against going to the rally. not because i hate bernie or anything, but because i don’t i think i would thrive in an environment where i’m surrounded by people who don’t love a gal who i’m really committed to. it’s at that point in the race where bernie and hill are going after each other, and i’m just not about that kind of talk. honestly, i’m just ready for the candidate to be chosen. us democrats are much more powerful when we work together, i think.

and i can only hope that all of those folks at the rally will bring their enthusiasm to hillary when she wins the nomination. 🙂

warning this part is cheesy  

i was talking to my mom about this the other day, and i decided i wanted to write it down.

living in indiana has sometimes been a struggle for me. not people wise, but atmosphere wise. i’ve always known that i’m meant to live in a city. it’s just my best fit. indiana does not have very big cities [sry indy] thus, i’ve spent a lot of time waiting to live in a big city. waiting to finally live where i’ve always imagined i belong.

and here i am. i’m in a city. and for me, right now, in this moment, it’s perfect. but guess what? i have to go home soon. like in three weeks. and i’ll be honest, that realization is pretty disheartening. i mean i did it—i’m here—and now you’re saying i have to go? what kind of sick joke is this? how am i supposed to walk away from the place that feels so right?

and i’m excited to be home. i do love my yellow house and the mcdonald’s down the street. but i really do feel like i belong here. this feeling goes beyond what i talked about last week [the school stuff]. it’s more broad. it’s about the energy of this place and the fact that even though a lot of the initial shock and awe of the bright lights have faded, i still love new york. a lot.

maybe it’s just the initial realization of it all, but right now, i’m really angry and sad that—in three weeks—i’ll be forced to put this life on hold for a year before i can press play again.

sorry for being such a debbie downer.

ira glass marry me please

i realized a few weeks ago that while spotify doesn’t work down in the subway, podcasts do. so i’ve been listening to more podcasts. more specifically, i’ve been listening to NPR’s “this american life”. as i’m sure many of you know, my family loves NPR. like we love it so much, when i was 12 my fun fact at camp was “i can name every NPR reporter just by hearing their voices”. so it’s been really fun to be reunited with my radio fam.

i’ve also taken a pause on ‘hamilton’ just because i don’t want to get sick of it. so instead i’ve started re-listening to ‘in the heights’, lin-manuel’s first musical. and boy oh boy is it so good. if you first met lin while listening to ‘hamilton’, take a trip back in time and listen to ‘in the heights’. you won’t regret it.

thanks as always for reading! xx abby


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