a stupid handshake + an enthusiastic high schooler

warning: lots of word vomit, lots of feelings, lots of commas, very little organization.


i was nine years old and at day camp. we had just finished swimming and were walking back to the pine forest. my towel was wrapped around my neck and my shoes were not fully on; they were squishing, filled with water that i had failed to dry off. i was walking backwards, facing my counselor—some high school senior boy whose name i don’t remember but i do know started with a ‘m’. i was making him do the same handshake with me, over and over and over again. i was incessant.

it was the handshake crush—the turtle—does in ‘finding nemo’. the one that goes ‘fin, noggin’, dude’. i loved it. i thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. it is the most hilarious thing in the world!

i have no doubt in my mind that my counselor was annoyed with my pestering. that a part of him dreaded each and every time he saw me running towards him to do a handshake made popular by animated turtles in a kid’s movie. and yet, he did it with me. every time. with so much excitement. his motions were big and silly and his delivery of the word ‘dude’ was truly impeccable.

this counselor—whoever he was, wherever he is now—made my nine-year-old self really happy. and really confident, too. because not only did he let me be weird—he celebrated my weirdness. he encouraged it, never letting me dim away or feel embarrassed. he met my level of enthusiasm for a handshake with more enthusiasm than i’d ever been shown before. about anything. and i’m so grateful for it.
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to poppa bien

happy father’s day!

as this day has drawn closer and closer, i’ve struggled to figure out what to get you – for a few reasons.

[one] you buy yourself all of the best gifts before anyone else has the chance to get them for you.

[two] i am a very poor human being.

with those two speed bumps in the road, i decided that i’d just write you a letter. because i think i’m pretty good at writing, because there’s many things i don’t tell you enough, and because this blog is free.

so here it is.

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little blue bubbles of ideas

hi all! so it’s been close to a month since i wrote in this thing, and for that, i apologize. my last few weeks in the city were filled with a lot of stress + work + and this weird internal pressure to make my final days some of the best. the blog was just not a priority, although now that i’m home, i kind of wish it was because i already forget a lot. my memory is a butthead sometimes and it is very frustrating. nevertheless, i will try my best to fill you all in.

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beyoncé poops too

hello! i am very tired right now. there are multiple people around me [i’m at the library] who are taking naps on the floor. very tempted to join in. almost joined in. seriously considering joining in. i guess while i ponder if i am the type of person who naps in public, i will write. apologies for the spelling errors in advance.

[update | i left the library + went home and took a nap. it is many hours later. i am ready to write now.]

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feeling sentimental [ew]

three weeks. three weeks is all we’ve got left, folks. it feels weird. v weird. okay, on to the writing.

i just want to go to brunch 

leading up to this semester, i spent a good year envisioning what my life would be like in the city. i dreamed of the shops and the shows and the bars and the food. oh, the food. i dreamed of the food so hard.

what i didn’t take into consideration whilst dreaming was that to follow these particular dreams, i needed something. something called money. and as a college student living in one of the most expensive boroughs in the world, i have a knack for being broke.

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i can’t think of a title

hello! long time no type! last week i didn’t feel like writing a blog post. so i didn’t. okay, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to it.

being a grown up adult person is weird 

i feel like so much of my life is spent planning for the future. every day that i’ve been in new york, i’ve thought about summer internships. i’ve spent hours looking up different internships, in different places, for different types of organizations. i’ve spent hours applying for said internships. and i’ve spent weeks waiting to hear from these internships. [can i just say that every organization should be required to contact you whether or not you get a position. so many of them just leave you in the dark, waiting to hear back, when they know they’re not picking you. like just tell me i didn’t get the job so i can move on and stop worrying, plz and thank u.]

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most of this isn’t about nyc sry

hello! i feel like i haven’t written on this thing in so long, when in actuality, it’s only been like ten days. time is weird on the brain.

the west side is takin’ over the east village 

i will be the first one to say it—the second i graduated from high school, i ran [fast-walked i don’t run] away from that place and didn’t look back. i did that not because i didn’t have a wonderful high school experience—i did. i enjoyed the community that west side brought me so much and i can confidently say west lafayette was the best place to grow up.

there’s just something about being surrounded by the same people, everyday, for fifteen years that was exhausting to me. i mean, the people that i deemed my best friends in first grade because we had matching socks—we were sort of stuck to each other until graduation. it’s not like there were new kids coming in every year. at west side, there was 180 of us, from beginning to end. and i guess i just needed a break.

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